MURPHY’S LAWS

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
12. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
13. Every solution breeds new problems.
14. If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.

Jokes I stole off the internet.

• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
• Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
• Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
• Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• Earthquake in Washington – obviously government’s fault.
• Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
• I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• Velcro – what a rip off!
• Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
• What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.