Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire by Bob Rivers

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
Chipmunks: Oh! That tickles!
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
Chipmunks: Ow! Wrong end, cowboy!
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight

And now when Santa sees his tray
Santa: Ho ho ho ho ho
There’ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
Santa: Mmmm…Hey, look at that!
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry
And so I’m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let’s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks; good food

Dave: On that, Mr. Cole
Mr.Cole: Yes, sir, Mr. Seville?
Dave: Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!
Mr.Cole: Oh,no problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin’ two of those drumsticks, because they’re oh-so-tiny and there ain’t much meat on ‘em
Melvin: What about animal rights, Dave?
Dave: Put a sock in it Melvin. You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you’re my meal!
That’s a good one, Dave…I always knew you was the funny one in the group!
Dave: Damn straight!

And so I’m offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I’m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you

Dave: Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Melllllllllllviiiiiiiiiiiin?
Mr. Cole: Why, I’m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There’s plenty of Thagadore left though…

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